“If we perform weakness for our partner enough times, they may begin to believe we are weak, or dispensable, no matter how much they love us. It’s the fear of this, I think, that keeps many people from expressing their desires precisely to the partners they love most. How can you really ask someone, whom you love and respect as an equal, to put either you or themselves in a position of desirable weakness?” From: The Millions : The Sexless Idiot
This Millions post has gotten stuck in my brain. I feel like weakness’ and power’s relationship with sex only gets talked about when we discuss crime or unhealthy relationships, as if the way they relate to “normal” interactions is well understood, solved, and goes without saying.
I’ve had the sense that this is just something everybody but me knows about, and any confusion that one might have in this area is a mark of childishness or naivety. Consequently, I’ve been reluctant to bring it up, even though it’s previously been something I’ve been concerned about. (Nowadays the social dynamics of sexual activity aren’t something I think about that often, though I remain somewhat curious when I’m reminded that they exist.)